Wasteland Survival guide quotes.

So, like I've mentioned that Fallout 3 is one of my favorite games, right? Because it totally is. Anyhow, the game is set in a post apocalyptic America that is now a ruined wasteland filled with radiation and raiders and all sorts of mutated creatures, and humanity is only hanging on to survival by a thread. In one of the larger human settlements called Megaton, you come across a woman named Moira Brown, an eccentric owner of a store called Craterside Supply. She's trying to write a book, a survival guide, for wastelanders new and old. It's her idea of trying to do good in the world, and since she's one of the few people with the actual ability to produce books (having the resources, being a store owner and all).
However, whilst Moira has the immeasurably useful talent of being kind of bat-poop crazy, she's not a fighter, and doesn't have the skills to actually test many of her theories about surviving in certain situations. That's where you come in, a man/woman with nothing to lose! She basically asks you to undergo many tasks and tell how the experience was, to make sure that she writes only authentic things in the books, because otherwise people 'yell a lot. With mean, mean words'. 

After doing said tasks (should you chose to accept her preposition in the first place), you have the ability to choose one out of many dialogue options to describe the experiences. Some are snide, others helpful, some are downright funny. These are the funny ones:


The Lone Wanderer:
[After testing the theory that you can scavenge food/medicine from marts (they're filled with enemies)]
'Those raiders must've shot me twenty times. But who's counting?'

[Describing the feeling of heavy radiation sickness]
'If I listen closely, I can hear my genes crying'

[After returning from a minefield with disarmed mines]
'Yes, I blew up and died. Now I'm haunting you because of that stupid book. Boo.'

'Oh, disarming's really easy. Just jump up and down on it. You go first'

[After testing 'mole rat repellent' (makes them blow up)]
'It repelled their limbs from their bodies. Can you make one that works on people?'

[Describing excruciating pain (complete with broken bones)]
'Pardon me if I bleed profusely while thinking how to best describe this pain'

'On a scale of one to ten, I'd say it's a "shut the fuck up and fix me"'.

'Despite my glossary of expletives, nothing properly sums up this pain'

[After trying to research Rivet City's history]

'None of them agree on a story. \So let's just say I set the whole place up.'

[After installing and hacking into RobCo's mainframe, unleashing murderous robots ]
'It was robotic carnage. But I caused it, so so it was the okay sort of carnage'

Moira:

[After fixing up TLW's radiation]
'Here, take these chems. Think of them as my way of saying 'I'm sorry I twisted your DNA like a kitten with a ball of yarn'

Also, this one that isn't really funny, but I liked it :'):

'"It's like...Did you ever try to put a broken piece of glass back together? Even if the pieces fir, you can't make it whole again the way it was. But if you're clever, you can still use the pieces to make other useful things. Maybe even something wonderful, like a mosaic"